So today is day 3 of my cycle. I went to my appointment for my baseline ultrasound. This ultrasound is just to make sure nothing is wrong with my ovaries (cysts, abnormalities, etc). I didn't think anything of it. I just looked at it as "here's another appointment to take $208 from me"
My biggest worry this morning was how tired I was since I had to leave my house at 630am. I got to my appt at 730, and was called back shortly after.
Once the ultrasound wand was in place, she immediately said "Well the right ovary looks nice and calm, but I think I saw a cyst on the left ovary" I'm thinking "greeeeaaaatttt...... pcos chose a great time to rear it's ugly head"
So she double checks it, and sure enough, there's a very large cyst on my left ovary. The cyst is there because last month during ovulation, the follicle released the egg like normal, only this time it never closed back up, which caused it to fill with fluid. Not only that, but the cyst is very large because of the Clomid making my follicles larger than normal, apparently. How's that for some sick irony.
So then the nurse informs me that not only can I not do Clomid this month, but that I'll also have to start birth control. Seriously?? Kick me while i'm down how 'bout it.
She said the BC is supposed to help shrink the cyst. On day 21, I have an appt to go BACK for another ultrasound to see if the cyst is gone. If it is, I wait for my period to start, and then will start Clomid from there. If it's NOT gone, I have to continue with BC.
The only good thing about this is that I was able to schedule my ultrasound on a Saturday. (They never mentioned that Saturdays were an option before). This way my husband can go with me. I called him in the parking lot and explained what was going on. For the first time, he had the reaction I wanted him to. He was pissed. Pissed, confused, sad, upset, etc. FINALLY!!! My husband usually is very "whatever" about all of this and is never interested in what treatments and stuff i'm doing. So to hear him having the same emotions that I am made me feel like I wasn't so "alone". I asked him if he would PLEASE go to my next ultrasound with me because honestly, I'm tired of going to these things alone. He said of course he would, he'd actually prefer it if he went and to see if from now on I could do my appts on Saturdays (he can't take off during the week, hence why I have to go by myself).
Another interesting thing happened as well. My Dr. put in my chart that he wanted Brandon to do a semen analysis. He said that he doesn't want to keep treating me, only to find out later that Brandon had an issue as well. I've kept putting it off because Brandon was very clear that he didn't want to do it. Plus he already has 2 kids, so I'm pretty sure he's not the issue. Well today he volunteered to do it. I think he sees how "at the end of my rope" i'm getting with all of this. I love that he's willing to "rule himself out", even if it's awkward for him.
After we got off the phone, I started heading for work. As soon as I pulled out of the parking lot, I spilled my coffee all down the front of my clothes. White shirt, by the way. So now I don't know whether to cry or punch something. I chose to cry of course. I probably looked ridiculous to people because here's this crazy girl crying her eyes out, coffee all over her shirt, trying to blow her nose, (i'm an ugly crier) all while trying to merge onto the highway. I was a hot mess. I did the only thing I knew to do. I blared my christian music as loud as it would go, and I just cried. The entire 45 minute journey. I made it to work 90 min later due to having to go home and change plus turning in my prescription.
Today is not my day.....that's all there is to say about it.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Friday, August 22, 2014
Waste of Time and Money
As already stated in my previous post, this Clomid cycle didn't work. Well my nurse said I still needed to take a pregnancy test. My thought was.....what's the point? Tests aren't cheap (not if you want a good result anyway), and I can use that money towards better things. She still said I needed to take one. So I went to Walmart last night and stood in front of the endless shelves of pregnancy products.
Did I want to check for ovulation? How about checking for it in a 3 month supply? Did I want "fertile-friendly" lubricant? How about the larger supply? Did I want spermicide? How about condoms? Did I want "his and hers" lubrication? Ooooh how about the kind that warms to the touch? Oh I know. I bet I wanted the new contraceptive "film".
NO! DANG IT! I just want a PREGNANCY TEST!!!!! A simple pregnancy test.
Oh a pregnancy test? Why didn't you say so?? What kind would you like? They range from .88 all the way to an entire paycheck. We have large ones, small ones, that one glows in the dark, this one needs a blood offering, that one over there tells you how far it "thinks" you are, this one here will send you $10 in the mail but ONLY if you buy 2 other similar products. Oooooh this one here is a 2 pack, but for $8 more, you can get a pack of 3! DEAL!!!
Look. I want something simple, preferably 2 tests, that won't cost me my mortgage payment. A reputable accurate brand, and something that won't waste my time since I already know what the result will be. This is what was left standing:
With $10 less in my wallet, I took my purchase home. This morning I woke up and took the test. Just a little handy tip: I'm incapable of placing the stick "in my urine stream for 5 seconds, making sure to not get the rest of the stick wet". It's impossible. So if you're anything like me, here's what I do. I took the little lid/cap off of my laundry detergent bottle when it was empty. I washed it out really well, and now I use it to pee in anytime I need to take an ovulation/pregnancy test. It's so much more convenient, and way less of a mess, trust me! Beats peeing all over your hand!!
Anyways, while the stick of infertility decided my fate, I finished getting ready for the morning. I checked on it a few minutes later and whaddya know?? A big fat negative:
Now there's something I didn't see coming! Ok enough of the sarcastic bitterness. Happy faces people, happy faces! Shake it off, we knew it was coming. Now just waiting for my period to start so I can decide if I'll do round 2 of Clomid. Stay tuned!
Did I want to check for ovulation? How about checking for it in a 3 month supply? Did I want "fertile-friendly" lubricant? How about the larger supply? Did I want spermicide? How about condoms? Did I want "his and hers" lubrication? Ooooh how about the kind that warms to the touch? Oh I know. I bet I wanted the new contraceptive "film".
NO! DANG IT! I just want a PREGNANCY TEST!!!!! A simple pregnancy test.
Oh a pregnancy test? Why didn't you say so?? What kind would you like? They range from .88 all the way to an entire paycheck. We have large ones, small ones, that one glows in the dark, this one needs a blood offering, that one over there tells you how far it "thinks" you are, this one here will send you $10 in the mail but ONLY if you buy 2 other similar products. Oooooh this one here is a 2 pack, but for $8 more, you can get a pack of 3! DEAL!!!
Look. I want something simple, preferably 2 tests, that won't cost me my mortgage payment. A reputable accurate brand, and something that won't waste my time since I already know what the result will be. This is what was left standing:
With $10 less in my wallet, I took my purchase home. This morning I woke up and took the test. Just a little handy tip: I'm incapable of placing the stick "in my urine stream for 5 seconds, making sure to not get the rest of the stick wet". It's impossible. So if you're anything like me, here's what I do. I took the little lid/cap off of my laundry detergent bottle when it was empty. I washed it out really well, and now I use it to pee in anytime I need to take an ovulation/pregnancy test. It's so much more convenient, and way less of a mess, trust me! Beats peeing all over your hand!!
Anyways, while the stick of infertility decided my fate, I finished getting ready for the morning. I checked on it a few minutes later and whaddya know?? A big fat negative:
Now there's something I didn't see coming! Ok enough of the sarcastic bitterness. Happy faces people, happy faces! Shake it off, we knew it was coming. Now just waiting for my period to start so I can decide if I'll do round 2 of Clomid. Stay tuned!
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
What'd I tell you??
So I started spotting this morning. Even though I knew Clomid wasn't going to work, I still wasn't expecting it. Not sure how I'm feeling at the moment. Upset is definitely at the top, followed by angry, tired, worn out, stressed, and if I'm being honest, an all around sense of just plain Over It.
I haven't decided if I'll do another round of Clomid next month yet. I know I'll have to decide in the next couple of days but I'm still torn. We're trying to save for a trip to Tennessee which makes saving for both really hard. At first, I had already made the decision to postpone future rounds of Clomid until the 1st part of the year.
However, my nurse called me yesterday and said the results of my progesterone test was in. In order to "prove ovulation" the progesterone level needs to be at least 10. If the woman is on medication, it should be at 15. Mine tested at 17.8!!! Which means I had a great ovulation. After hearing that, I started second guessing my decision to quit.
My sister Meagan had a really smart answer. Find out if the 17.8 was a result of Clomid. If it was, I should keep going another month since its helping to give my body a high ovulation level. If Clomid is NOT the reason for the 17.8, that means my body is working well on its own and I probably don't need to spend all that money on another round of Clomid. At least not for a few months. I think that's great advice.
So I'll probably call on the 1st day of my period and see what they say. Then I'll just make the decision quickly before I can change my mind.
I'm not angry at God or anything that this Clomid didn't work. But He and I are going to have a loooong talk when I'm finished here.
I haven't decided if I'll do another round of Clomid next month yet. I know I'll have to decide in the next couple of days but I'm still torn. We're trying to save for a trip to Tennessee which makes saving for both really hard. At first, I had already made the decision to postpone future rounds of Clomid until the 1st part of the year.
However, my nurse called me yesterday and said the results of my progesterone test was in. In order to "prove ovulation" the progesterone level needs to be at least 10. If the woman is on medication, it should be at 15. Mine tested at 17.8!!! Which means I had a great ovulation. After hearing that, I started second guessing my decision to quit.
My sister Meagan had a really smart answer. Find out if the 17.8 was a result of Clomid. If it was, I should keep going another month since its helping to give my body a high ovulation level. If Clomid is NOT the reason for the 17.8, that means my body is working well on its own and I probably don't need to spend all that money on another round of Clomid. At least not for a few months. I think that's great advice.
So I'll probably call on the 1st day of my period and see what they say. Then I'll just make the decision quickly before I can change my mind.
I'm not angry at God or anything that this Clomid didn't work. But He and I are going to have a loooong talk when I'm finished here.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
A Clomid Experience
Well, you know how the old saying goes. If at first you don't succeed.....you must have tried Clomid. That's not how it goes, you say? Well it does in my world. Let's backtrack a bit, shall we?
After getting the news from my Dr. that Brandon and I didn't need any help with TTC, I still decided to go on Clomid after all. The reason being is that first of all, with my remaining tube being swollen, I feel like I only have one good shot at a pregnancy. Second of all, I'm just flat out getting impatient. It's been almost 2 1/2 years, what do you expect??
So I started my period on July 25th which was a Friday. I called my Dr. and made an appt for Monday the 28th for my first ultrasound. Upon entering the dark exam room, the first thing I noticed was the ultrasound machine. My first thought was "wow, this might be the closest I get to one of these!" (yes, my brain can be very mean to me sometimes).
The nurse came in almost immediately after I was undressed, and proceeded with the ultrasound. The point of this was to make sure my ovaries were healthy and that I didn't have any cysts or anything. Not quite sure what this is showing, but the nurse was pleased with what she saw.
After seeing this, she gave me the go ahead to start Clomid that night. I was told that I HAD to take the pill at the same time every single day. So I'm thinking cool, i'll take it at 9pm every night, right before bed. My reasoning for this was that if I was "lucky" enough to be one of the women that experience side effects, I could sleep through them. Well guess who accidentally fell asleep early and forgot to take the first pill? THIS GIRL! Yes, possibly the most important thing ever, and I dropped the ball.
Needless to say the next morning, I was calling my Dr.'s office FREAKING. OUT. Thankfully, it worked out for the best because my Clomid Calendar was written out as if Thursday was the first day of my period. Since it technically didn't start until Friday, I was able to buy myself a day. Whoooo!!! So I took the pill that morning and every morning for the next 4 days. Believe it or not, I didn't have any symptoms! I was really shocked, but relieved.
Now my next step was to go in for another ultrasound on Tuesday August 5th, to make sure my follicles had grown large enough to prepare for ovulation. I was told that this ultrasound would be done by my Dr. instead of the nurse. So of course you get undressed from the waist down, and sit on the uncomfortable paper with a sheet over your lap. Aaaaaannnddd.....nobody came. I sat there for 28 minutes before the Dr. came in. I know this because the ultrasound machine had a clock on it. Do you know what it's like to sit half naked in a FREEZING, DARK, exam room with nothing but your thoughts for 28 minutes?? Not fun. Anyways, the Dr. finally came in and we got started. The goal was to get one follicle to at least 20mm. Seems simple enough, right? Haha, not with me. My right side was all under 10mm. Which was fine with me to be honest because I don't have a tube on the right side so if I ovulated, it would have been that much harder.
So then he checked my left side. The highest I had were 2 follicles at 17mm. Dang it. Nothing comes easy for me. So he told me to take an ovulation test Wednesday and Thursday morning. If I ovulated, I was to go ahead and take my Ovidrel shot. If not, I was to take the shot on Thursday night. Well of course, I didn't ovulate, so Thursday night I prepared for the shot.
I was a nervous wreck. Just as I was getting ready to stick myself in the stomach, I thought to myself "Hey! maybe I should numb myself first!" So I went and got an ice cube, and rubbed it on the spot for about 5-10min. Then without thinking about it too much, I jabbed in the needle. I didn't feel a THING! Brandon couldn't believe I had already done it, because I didn't yell or anything. It was super easy. About 10 min later, however, I looked down, and saw this:
Yuck! Not sure if it was a reaction from the ice contact, or from the injection itself, but thankfully it was gone by the time I woke up the next morning!
So the next step obviously was TIC, or timed intercourse. Nothing says romance quite like that, buddy! Something about being told you HAVE to at a certain time, regardless of work schedules, prior obligations, etc makes for a very interesting 2 days. I saw this on pinterest and it made me laugh SO HARD:
So once those 2 days were completed, began the dreaded 2 week wait. Right now i'm on day 8. Yesterday (Friday) I had to go get yet another round of bloodwork to test my progesterone. The nurse said it's to see how "good of an ovulation" I had this month.
My period is due to start on Thursday the 21st, which means I can start spotting anytime in the next few days. If my period DOESN'T start by then, I'm supposed to take a pregnancy test on Friday the 22nd.
With all of that being said, I'm over 100% positive that this Clomid cycle didn't work. You could say i'm just being hard on myself, or trying not to get my hopes up, but i'm just being realistic. Deep down, I know it didn't work. You know how you just know certain things, but you can't explain how or why you know them? This is one of those situations. I just know it didn't. Plus I'm getting symptoms from my Intersticial Cystitis, which I always get right before and after my period. But hey, it's just $650 down the drain. What's the big deal. (Sarcasm intended).
Most women stress over the 2 week wait, and stock up on pregnancy tests, and splurge on fun activities to keep their minds off of it. Wanna know what I've bought so far?? A box of tampons, and a package of pads. How's that for confident? But we'll see. I haven't decided what my next steps will be, but at least I know what to expect for my next round of Clomid if and when I decide to do it again.
After getting the news from my Dr. that Brandon and I didn't need any help with TTC, I still decided to go on Clomid after all. The reason being is that first of all, with my remaining tube being swollen, I feel like I only have one good shot at a pregnancy. Second of all, I'm just flat out getting impatient. It's been almost 2 1/2 years, what do you expect??
So I started my period on July 25th which was a Friday. I called my Dr. and made an appt for Monday the 28th for my first ultrasound. Upon entering the dark exam room, the first thing I noticed was the ultrasound machine. My first thought was "wow, this might be the closest I get to one of these!" (yes, my brain can be very mean to me sometimes).
The nurse came in almost immediately after I was undressed, and proceeded with the ultrasound. The point of this was to make sure my ovaries were healthy and that I didn't have any cysts or anything. Not quite sure what this is showing, but the nurse was pleased with what she saw.
After seeing this, she gave me the go ahead to start Clomid that night. I was told that I HAD to take the pill at the same time every single day. So I'm thinking cool, i'll take it at 9pm every night, right before bed. My reasoning for this was that if I was "lucky" enough to be one of the women that experience side effects, I could sleep through them. Well guess who accidentally fell asleep early and forgot to take the first pill? THIS GIRL! Yes, possibly the most important thing ever, and I dropped the ball.
Needless to say the next morning, I was calling my Dr.'s office FREAKING. OUT. Thankfully, it worked out for the best because my Clomid Calendar was written out as if Thursday was the first day of my period. Since it technically didn't start until Friday, I was able to buy myself a day. Whoooo!!! So I took the pill that morning and every morning for the next 4 days. Believe it or not, I didn't have any symptoms! I was really shocked, but relieved.
Now my next step was to go in for another ultrasound on Tuesday August 5th, to make sure my follicles had grown large enough to prepare for ovulation. I was told that this ultrasound would be done by my Dr. instead of the nurse. So of course you get undressed from the waist down, and sit on the uncomfortable paper with a sheet over your lap. Aaaaaannnddd.....nobody came. I sat there for 28 minutes before the Dr. came in. I know this because the ultrasound machine had a clock on it. Do you know what it's like to sit half naked in a FREEZING, DARK, exam room with nothing but your thoughts for 28 minutes?? Not fun. Anyways, the Dr. finally came in and we got started. The goal was to get one follicle to at least 20mm. Seems simple enough, right? Haha, not with me. My right side was all under 10mm. Which was fine with me to be honest because I don't have a tube on the right side so if I ovulated, it would have been that much harder.
So then he checked my left side. The highest I had were 2 follicles at 17mm. Dang it. Nothing comes easy for me. So he told me to take an ovulation test Wednesday and Thursday morning. If I ovulated, I was to go ahead and take my Ovidrel shot. If not, I was to take the shot on Thursday night. Well of course, I didn't ovulate, so Thursday night I prepared for the shot.
I was a nervous wreck. Just as I was getting ready to stick myself in the stomach, I thought to myself "Hey! maybe I should numb myself first!" So I went and got an ice cube, and rubbed it on the spot for about 5-10min. Then without thinking about it too much, I jabbed in the needle. I didn't feel a THING! Brandon couldn't believe I had already done it, because I didn't yell or anything. It was super easy. About 10 min later, however, I looked down, and saw this:
Yuck! Not sure if it was a reaction from the ice contact, or from the injection itself, but thankfully it was gone by the time I woke up the next morning!
So the next step obviously was TIC, or timed intercourse. Nothing says romance quite like that, buddy! Something about being told you HAVE to at a certain time, regardless of work schedules, prior obligations, etc makes for a very interesting 2 days. I saw this on pinterest and it made me laugh SO HARD:
So once those 2 days were completed, began the dreaded 2 week wait. Right now i'm on day 8. Yesterday (Friday) I had to go get yet another round of bloodwork to test my progesterone. The nurse said it's to see how "good of an ovulation" I had this month.
My period is due to start on Thursday the 21st, which means I can start spotting anytime in the next few days. If my period DOESN'T start by then, I'm supposed to take a pregnancy test on Friday the 22nd.
With all of that being said, I'm over 100% positive that this Clomid cycle didn't work. You could say i'm just being hard on myself, or trying not to get my hopes up, but i'm just being realistic. Deep down, I know it didn't work. You know how you just know certain things, but you can't explain how or why you know them? This is one of those situations. I just know it didn't. Plus I'm getting symptoms from my Intersticial Cystitis, which I always get right before and after my period. But hey, it's just $650 down the drain. What's the big deal. (Sarcasm intended).
Most women stress over the 2 week wait, and stock up on pregnancy tests, and splurge on fun activities to keep their minds off of it. Wanna know what I've bought so far?? A box of tampons, and a package of pads. How's that for confident? But we'll see. I haven't decided what my next steps will be, but at least I know what to expect for my next round of Clomid if and when I decide to do it again.
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